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ok, this is my story, it takes place in a kind of modern time, hope you enjoy

btw this is my first attempt at a story, so im open for constructive critisism and praise, and i will be ok with any critisism

oh yeah

warning! this story contains language that may offend some readers! some scenes may be a bit too violent for some people, but i doubt that

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The Neralie have initiated their plan to take over the world. They have the weaponry and firepower to do this, but do they have the Brains to pull it off?

The Neralie have the brains…they have the power…they have the will…what will stand in their way?

Nothing…at the moment…For no-one knew that the Neralie were even planning world domination.

Can anyone discover their plans and stop them from taking over the world?

Can anyone gather the force to stop them?

Or shall the world fall into the Neralie’s hands and be turned into a world of pain, suffering and misery…

Read on and find out if the Neralie will be stopped…or if the world becomes the Neralie’s playpen…


Chapter 1

Erik woke to the sound of gunfire outside his cabin. “What’s going on out there?” wondered Erik to himself. Erik steeped out the door to find a mind clutching his chest staggering towards him. “Help me…please” said the man as he stumbled slightly. “What happened?” asked Erik. “The…Neralie…they are…coming…” gasped the man. “Here, let me get you inside and onto the couch” said Erik as he picked up the man and carried him inside. “Thank…you” said the man. “Quiet, save your strength for fighting to save yourself” said Erik.

“Thank you for saving my life. I am in your debt” said the man. “Don’t worry about it man, you don’t owe me anything, just forget your debt, I was only helping a fellow man in need” said Erik. “Now, I never got around to telling you my name, I’m Erik, and you are?” asked Erik. “My name is Scott, nice to meet you” said Scott as he stood up and shook Erik’s hand. “Now you said something about the Neralie?” asked Erik. “Oh yes! I managed to stumble upon their scouting party, they were planning on taking over the town to start of their world domination plan!” said Scott, suddenly very excited. “Shit! We have to warn the president and get an army ready!” said Erik. “Look. We need to get weapons, provisions and set up some sort of transport, the Neralie have cut off all air transport” said Scott, sounding very much like an army officer. “Well we have to go by foot then…” said Erik. “What? Don’t you have any friends who can give us a lift?” asked Scott.”…let’s put it simply…I don’t have any friends, that’s what happens when you grow up alone…” said Erik sadly. “Oh my god…I…I don’t know what to say…it feels like it’s my fault or something…” said Scott slowly. “Hey, it wasn’t your fault, it was my parents who left me when I was 13, I had friends when I was 5 or so…but after they left…I just lost connection with the world...” said Erik softly. “All right then, starting from now, I’ll stick with you till we find your parents” said Scott. “Are you serious? Would you really stick with me until I found my parents?” asked Erik. “Yes. I will. But first we have the Neralie to warn the president about, we will need guns, and ammo” said Scott. “um…we don’t need to worry about that, I kind of have a huge store in the back from when I used to jump soldiers and steal their food…” said Erik, his face going red. “Hahaha all right then lets go stop a war” said Scott as he and Erik went out to the back to get weaponry.
Hey that's great! Could use a little more detail (you never mentioned who the neralie are) but I can't wait to read more!
ya lol *smacks head* cant belive i forgot about telling who they are xD

oh well here is chapter 2

Chapter 2

“Holy crap that’s a lot of guns!” said Scott as he saw all the rifle’s, sub-machine guns and pistols stacked up. “And here is the ammo, just step back a bit” said Erik as he pulled open another closet door. Immediately lots and lots of ammo clips fell out of the closet and almost knocked Scott over. “You have enough here for a small army!” said Scott as he put 2 pistols into their holsters and strapped a rifle to his back. “Yeah I guess I do” smiled Erik as he strapped a sub-machine gun to his back. “I mugged a lot of soldiers” said Erik. “Are you only taking that sub-machine gun?” asked Scott. “No I just need to find my special pistol” said Erik as he rummaged through the pile of guns. “Ah there it is” said Erik as he pulled out a particularly shiny pistol. “What’s so good about that pistol?” asked Scott. “It was my first one, the only one I fired” said Erik as he loaded the sub-machine gun and pistol. “Now let’s head into town and warn the people” said Erik. “No! You realize that the Neralie would have taken the town over by now right?” said Scott quickly. “Damn it, you’re right…well then, we’ll have to go through the forest to get around the town” said Erik. “Alright let’s go!” said Scott

~ Meanwhile ~

“General Vannon sir! We have captured the town, what are your orders for my men now sir?” asked Lieutenant Harvey. “Go send your men on a scout party for that man I shot, I want his body brought to me so I can have the pleasure of feeding it to my dogs” said General Vannon. “Yes sir! Right away sir!” said lieutenant Harvey. “the fools…why do they always have to go and do what I say, exactly when I say it…they need to properly arm themselves…make sure they can defend themselves if surprise attacked…why do I always have to be so powerful?” muttered General Vannon to himself.

~ back with Erik and co. ~

“Scott look! It’s a scout team!” said Erik as the soldiers rounded a bend in the track. “Shit! What should we do Erik?” asked Scott. “Quick, up here!” said Erik as he climbed up the bank. Scott quickly got up beside him and pulled his rifle out. “Quiet now, we want to take them by surprise” said Scott. Erik cocked his pistol and aimed it at one of the men. “Ready…Aim…Fire!” said Scott as he fired his rifle at the front person of the column. Erik fired 3 shots in rapid succession, each shot finding its mark and sending blood spraying onto the trees. “Take cover men!” shouted Lieutenant Harvey, but as he dived he got shot in the chest by Scott, and blood sprayed all over the men behind him. “aaaaah!” shouted a man as he got shot in the shoulder. “Run for it!” shouted another man as a bullet grazed his thigh. The men ran for their lives, leaving a trail of blood on the ground after them. “Should we follow them Scott?” asked Erik as he re-loaded his pistol. “No we have to get out of here before they come back with reinforcements” said Scott as he slid down the bank. “Alright, lets go” said Erik.
Thats pretty good umbreon! I If I were to rate this, I'd rate it 9.1/10
thanks for the good feedback guys, there will be more tomorrow =)
Cool story.

How about "Rifles and Trials" as the name?
Awesome Umbreon!! very good 9.9999933883838348 out of tenToungue im still trying to think of a name for it, im always good at these things, but it may take awhile next chapter!!
hmm...well that sounds good mgallo

next chapter up =O


Chapter 3

General Vannon was furious. “You were taken down by TWO people, only TWO while there were FIFTEEN of YOU!” shouted General Vannon at the remaining four soldiers. “We’re sorry sir, they took us by complete surprise, we should have been better prepared…” said a soldier. “Soldier, what’s your name?” asked General Vannon. “m-m-Mark Lodson sir” stammered Mark. “Congratulations Mark, you are now lieutenant Lodson” said General Vannon. “Th-thank you sir, I shall serve you well” said Lieutenant Lodson. “You had better Lieutenant, or I shall personally see you wished you were never born” said General Vannon coldly”

~ back with Erik and co. ~

“Look! There it is the next town” said Scott as the left the forest. “Yes that’s the town of Golding; they are famous for their golden jewelry” said Erik as they entered the town. “maybe I should pick something up for my wife” joked Scott as they passed a jewelry store. “did someone say something about buying some jewelry?” asked a voice from behind them. “sorry sir, I was joking with my friend here” said Scott, his face going a little red. The man frowned. “’tis not good to joke about jewelry here my friend, it can get you in trouble” said the man as he walked back inside the store. “I guess that means we’re in a town with no sense of humor…” said Scott as they walked away. “I guess so, I thought that you weren’t kidding though, the way you said it” said Erik. “well, I’ll be happier once we are out of here…” said Scott as they walked past a park. “its surprisingly empty here” said Erik “I thought there would be lots of people here…” “Yes I thought that too” said Scott. As they were walking they saw a man running down an alleyway. “excuse me! Can you come here for a minute?” asked Erik. “shut up you dick!” shouted the man. “What was that!” shouted Erik as he sprinted after the man. “Erik, come back!” said Scott as he raced after Erik. “not until I hurt this guy!” shouted Erik back. “hey you!” shouted a second man as he jumped out in front of the guy Erik was chasing. “oh shit get away from me!” shouted the guy as he turned to run away. “not until I kill you bitch” said the man. Erik saw that this was much more serious than he thought so he pulled out his pistol and fired a warning shot to shut them up. “Ok you there, the guy who is going to kill that guy, you just step away from him and no-one gets hurt” said Erik as he walked towards them. “no way bitch, I’m killing this guy and you cant do anything about it!” said the guy as he pulled a knife out. “hey lets put it simply, if you kill him, I kill you. Do you want to end up dead?” asked Erik “shit man get away from me!” shouted the guy holding the knife. “I said, do want to end up dead?” said Erik again as he cocked his gun. The guy with the knife was thinking about an answer when the guy he was going to kill punched him in the gut and then kicked him in the balls. “ouch! Shit man, when I get up I’m gonna kill you!” said the guy with the knife. “I don’t think so!” said the guy who then kicked the other guy in the face. “alright, you asked for it” said Erik as he came up behind the guy who was beating up the other guy and cracked him on the back of the head with the but of his gun. It was then when Scott showed up. “Erik what did you do?” said Scott as he saw the two men on the ground. “they deserved it” said Erik as he knocked out the man with the knife. “look lets just leave…” said Scott. “fine, I was getting tired of this place anyway” said Erik as he spat on the ground.
Its very good umbreon!! i cant wait to read moreSmile
*psssssst.....awesome acsent!!*
gah! shut up about my accent!

thanks for the comments guys, once one of the names reaches 10 votes, thats what the story will be called
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