01-09-2007, 07:16 PM
If people end up liking this, I think I'll update it chapter by chapter... otherwise I'll just post a different story or something... Anyways, advice and critiques are welcome! My friends would never say anything bad about my books so I'd like to know what's wrong with them along with what's good.
White woolen skirt flapping around tan ankles, Tirasha ran to the top of the hill. A coil of rope hung over one bony shoulder. Her loose tunic sleeves fluttered around her lean arms, blown by a salty sea breeze. A leather vest was buttoned across Tirasha’s slight torso. She was Master Bridgebuilder, and that was what she was doing now. She was the first female bridgebuilder; so many Gelecions disapproved of her. She wanted to show them she was good though, worthy of her name, despite her youth and gender, so she worked. She worked and worked, building little decorative bridges over streams, much to the homeowners’ appreciation, and bigger, stronger bridges over rivers.
At eighteen, Tirasha was small. She always had been, there had always been a half-starved look about her, as some people called it. It didn’t bother her though. After being trained by the former Master Bridgebuilder, Gilelth, she could easily do anything that the much larger and stronger men could in her own ways. And Tirasha was much more agile, so the job suited her. Gilelth had moved south, to live in the warmth of the more desert like parts of Gelecion in his old age. Occasionally, Tirasha traveled down there and visited him, she traveled a lot doing this, but her home town of Lynxx was her favorite place to be. There she had friends and family. And the people of Lynxx were much friendlier towards her than the people of other towns.
At the moment, Tirasha was working on a bridge that led over a river, though the river was far below, and she was standing at the top of some cliffs. Getting to the river was practically impossible here; it would be very dangerous to try to climb down the cliffs down the river, and there was no reason to either. But people crossed through this area often, and wanted a bridge built here so they didn’t have to walk miles down the river to the next bridge.
She reached her pile of wood planks and sat down on the sun-warmed slope. Tirasha began carefully carving niches in the planks with a small knife where the ropes would tie around it and once that task was done she set to tying each plank to the rope. Once all the oaken planks were tied together Tirasha attached them to a triangular railing she had put together a few days before. Soon that was attached and Tirasha tied the railing to the rope that was already strung over the river. This was a slow, and dangerous process, Tirasha had to reach out and tie the triangle of rope to the strong rope already hanging there, then step out onto the new planks that were supported and reach out to tie the next. If she slipped or had one misstep then she would fall to her death.
As the sun rose higher in the sky Tirasha finished. She was proud of her bridge and sat down to have a little picnic lunch she had brought along. As she ate, she looked past the precipice, to the northwest, instead of to the east where her bridge went. There she watched for the tall masts of the Rayans.
Rayan was a country on the far side of a dangerous strait. They never came to Gelecion, so they were mysterious and there were many bad rumors spread about the Rayans. She was fascinated by their ships, much larger than any Gelecion fishing boats. Seeing one of their ships was a luxury to Tirasha. But when she finished her lunch and saw none Tirasha sighed and stood up. She crossed over the bridge, stomping and jumping around to make sure of its strength, and then lay down on the soft grassy slope to rest.
Tirasha was awoken by a loud sound. It reminded her of the bellows used to help a blacksmith’s fire, except much, much louder. A huge creature descended upon her, long leathery wings flapping, sharp talons reaching out to grab. A long, scaly tail thrashed about, seeking balance as the creature hovered. Then it whipped out and whacked across her face, and Tirasha fainted.
The monster flew away with Tirasha clutched limply in its talons. As it left the area a torn bit of Tirasha’s sleeve fell featherlike to the ground.
White woolen skirt flapping around tan ankles, Tirasha ran to the top of the hill. A coil of rope hung over one bony shoulder. Her loose tunic sleeves fluttered around her lean arms, blown by a salty sea breeze. A leather vest was buttoned across Tirasha’s slight torso. She was Master Bridgebuilder, and that was what she was doing now. She was the first female bridgebuilder; so many Gelecions disapproved of her. She wanted to show them she was good though, worthy of her name, despite her youth and gender, so she worked. She worked and worked, building little decorative bridges over streams, much to the homeowners’ appreciation, and bigger, stronger bridges over rivers.
At eighteen, Tirasha was small. She always had been, there had always been a half-starved look about her, as some people called it. It didn’t bother her though. After being trained by the former Master Bridgebuilder, Gilelth, she could easily do anything that the much larger and stronger men could in her own ways. And Tirasha was much more agile, so the job suited her. Gilelth had moved south, to live in the warmth of the more desert like parts of Gelecion in his old age. Occasionally, Tirasha traveled down there and visited him, she traveled a lot doing this, but her home town of Lynxx was her favorite place to be. There she had friends and family. And the people of Lynxx were much friendlier towards her than the people of other towns.
At the moment, Tirasha was working on a bridge that led over a river, though the river was far below, and she was standing at the top of some cliffs. Getting to the river was practically impossible here; it would be very dangerous to try to climb down the cliffs down the river, and there was no reason to either. But people crossed through this area often, and wanted a bridge built here so they didn’t have to walk miles down the river to the next bridge.
She reached her pile of wood planks and sat down on the sun-warmed slope. Tirasha began carefully carving niches in the planks with a small knife where the ropes would tie around it and once that task was done she set to tying each plank to the rope. Once all the oaken planks were tied together Tirasha attached them to a triangular railing she had put together a few days before. Soon that was attached and Tirasha tied the railing to the rope that was already strung over the river. This was a slow, and dangerous process, Tirasha had to reach out and tie the triangle of rope to the strong rope already hanging there, then step out onto the new planks that were supported and reach out to tie the next. If she slipped or had one misstep then she would fall to her death.
As the sun rose higher in the sky Tirasha finished. She was proud of her bridge and sat down to have a little picnic lunch she had brought along. As she ate, she looked past the precipice, to the northwest, instead of to the east where her bridge went. There she watched for the tall masts of the Rayans.
Rayan was a country on the far side of a dangerous strait. They never came to Gelecion, so they were mysterious and there were many bad rumors spread about the Rayans. She was fascinated by their ships, much larger than any Gelecion fishing boats. Seeing one of their ships was a luxury to Tirasha. But when she finished her lunch and saw none Tirasha sighed and stood up. She crossed over the bridge, stomping and jumping around to make sure of its strength, and then lay down on the soft grassy slope to rest.
Tirasha was awoken by a loud sound. It reminded her of the bellows used to help a blacksmith’s fire, except much, much louder. A huge creature descended upon her, long leathery wings flapping, sharp talons reaching out to grab. A long, scaly tail thrashed about, seeking balance as the creature hovered. Then it whipped out and whacked across her face, and Tirasha fainted.
The monster flew away with Tirasha clutched limply in its talons. As it left the area a torn bit of Tirasha’s sleeve fell featherlike to the ground.
