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Yup, another story written by yours truly, thought i might see what you guys think of it, so, here you go:

Chapter 1

It was a dark, stormy night in the land of Hanzon, even though it was noon; the sky was as dark as it would be at midnight. In a forest just outside of the town of Shiran, a man was sprinting for his life, trying to get back home before the lightning started. There was nothing really special about this man, he had short, brown hair flattened on his head by rain, hazel eyes that were focused on the ground ahead of him, a brown cotton shirt that was soaked with rain and long, white cotton pants, that were also soaked by water. He was almost out of the forest when the first bolt of lightning struck. You see, in the land of Hanzon, Lightning is very dangerous, it’s 10 times hotter than ordinary lightning, and it strikes in groups of 20 bolts, destroying everything within a radius of 100 metres. Unfortunately for this man, the lightning struck at the town of Shiran, breaking through the lightning guard, and destroying the town.

“What! No! My home! My family! All gone!” yelled the man as he watched the lightning strike. The man dropped to his knees, held his head in his hands and let his tears fall freely. After a few minutes, lightning struck again, this time closer to the man. That shocked the man out of his spiral of despair.

“I need to find shelter…” murmured the man as he sprinted towards the Shiran mountain range, where the lightning never struck.

***

Huddled deep in a cave on the mountains, the man was crying his heart out, sometimes screaming at the gods for betraying him, other times bashing a stick against a wall, but mostly he crawled against the back wall of the cave and cried. After an hour of wallowing in self-despair, the storm stopped, the sunshine shone into the cave, and the man got up and walked outside to survey the damage the lightning had done. It was horrible, most of the forest was gone, Shiran was totally destroyed, and the remainder of the forest was in flames.

“This has got to be the worst lightning storm in the country… But lightning has never broken through a lightning guard, especially not Shirans, because it had the best lightning guard in the land,” said the man. “it must have been sabotage… but who would sabotage Shirans lightning guard, because no one who gets in Shiran leaves for a month, because of our frequent lightning storms, and the one we had yesterday didn’t break through the guard… so the person mustn’t have gotten away…” After looking around for a while, the man turned and started his trek over the mountain to reach Prein, but one question kept ringing in his head;

“Why would they do it?”
sorry for the double post, but i got the next chapter up, and i got a name for the story, though it may change.

Chapter 2


It’s dangerous crossing the plains of Lizael during the day, but during night, it’s suicide. Unfortunately for the man, he didn’t know that, and was crossing the plains during the worst part of the night, midnight. You see, this man thought that it was safe during the night, because all the predators were asleep. He was wrong. The man was passing through a group of trees, when the Zyler attacked. Zylers are the most dangerous animals on the plain, they’re camouflaged perfectly in the long grass, and during night, it’s impossible to see. It mainly uses its teeth to kill, though its claws can deal heavy damage as well, seeing as they’re long, curved, and sharp. The man screamed as the Zylers right-hand claws dug into his back, forcing him to the ground. In a flash, the Zyler had its teeth around the mans neck, but before it could bite into his neck, an arrow shot out of the trees and hit the Zyler in the throat, killing it instantly. Whimpering, the man called out;

“Who’s there?’’

“That’s a question I should be asking you, but I’m going to tell you anyway,” said a voice. “My name is Ezekiel, but you can call me Zeke, now, what’s your name, and what the hell are you doing out here in the middle of the night?” said Zeke as he stepped out of the shadows. Zeke had deeply tanned skin, long black hair, strange, yellow eyes that bored into him like a hawk.

“I’m Jeremy, thanks for saving my life,” said Jeremy.

“No problem, now, tell me what you’re doing out here in the middle of the night,” said Zeke.

“Well, I come from the town of Shiran, which was destroyed by a lightning storm a few days ago and I’v-”

“Shiran was destroyed by a lightning storm?” butted in Zeke.

“Yes, I think it might have been sabotage, but I’m not sure,” said Jeremy.

“It has to have been sabotage, Shirans lightning guard is impenetrable!” said Zeke.

“Yes, I know, now can we please get to somewhere safe before we’re attacked again?” asked Jeremy.

“Oh yeah, safety, right, come with me,” said Zeke, who then walked off into the shadows.

“Wait for me!” shouted Jeremy as he ran off after Zeke.

***

Deep in a hole dug into a hill out on the plains, Zeke and Jeremy sat around a fire, eating stew, and talking about what might have happened to Shiran.

“It might not have been sabotage, you know, it could’ve been faulty repairs or something,” said Zeke.

“No, that’s definatly not it, after every lightning storm, repairs are made and supervised by the best of the best,” argued Jeremy.

“Then maybe it was just a strong lightning storm?” asked Zeke.

“Nope, Shiran has endured far worse than that, there’s no explanation except sabotage,” said Jeremy.

“But what reason would people have to sabotage Shiran?” asked Zeke.

“That, I don’t know, but I have to find out, because I may just be the only survivor of Shiran left in Hanzon,” said Jeremy, tears welling in his eyes. Zeke, seeing that Jeremy didn’t want to talk about it anymore, decided to stop the talking altogether.

“Hey, Jeremy, lets get some sleep, so we have energy to get you to Prein tomorrow.”

“Ok, Zeke, goodnight,” said Jeremy.

Little did Jeremy know that his meeting Zeke was going to change his life forever.
Hello, it is me.

This is a really good and fascinating read! I can really feel the fear of Jeremy's, and Zeke sounds like onna those mysterious cool guys xD Your writing style is perfect, I do not really see any errors, so keep those chapters coming ^^
yay, thanks for the comment!

next chapter in, here ya go!

Chapter 3

Jeremy was rudely awoken by Zeke pouring a cup of water on his head.
“Rise and shine, sleepy head!” said Zeke cheerily.

“Hey! What was that for?” said Jeremy as he tried to shake the water out of his hair.

“it’s almost noon, we have to get moving if we want to get to the next safe spot before night,” said Zeke as he picked up his bow, and his quiver of arrows.

“Oh, you may need this,” said Zeke as he passed Jeremy a knife.

“But I don’t know how to use knives!” said Jeremy as he picked it up. Zeke laughed.

“You don’t need to know how to use it, you just need to look like you know how to use it, and if that doesn’t work, I can always stick a few arrows into the beasts mangy hide,” said Zeke as he poked his head out of the hole.

“Ok, come on Jeremy, it’s all clear,” said Zeke as he pulled himself out of the hole.

“Ok, coming up,” said Jeremy as he started wriggling up the tunnel. Outside, the sun was shining bright, there were bird calls filling the air, and there wasn’t a cloud in sight. The only thing that ruined the beauty was the large predators stalking prey on the plains.

“Damn! Look at the size of those things!” exclaimed Jeremy as he took a tighter hold on the knife, its presence in his hand making him feel safer.

“Don’t worry, they steer clear of me, I command a lot of respect on these plains, I’m probably the most dangerous thing on the plain, apart from those damned Zylers, I really hate those things,” said Zeke, a look of anger flashing across his face.

“Wow, thanks for letting me know that, I feel a lot safer now,” said Jeremy as he loosened his grip on the knife.

“Glad to see you feel that way, now duck so I can shoot the Yolax behind you,” said Zeke as he strung an arrow into his bow. Jeremy spun around, and then dropped to the ground to narrowly avoid being run through by a large, fleshy hand with large claws. A Yolax is a large creature, its skin is yellow, it has large, crimson eyes, a gaping hole where its mouth should be, its body looks like a snake, its arms are long, and its hands have 7 deadly claws on it.

“Damn that’s one ugly beast!” yelled Jeremy as Zeke shot a dozen arrows into it.

“If you think it’s ugly now, wait until you see a baby one!” shouted Zeke as he shot an arrow down the Yolax’s mouth. The Yolax made a strange gurgling sound, and then fell over sideways; its eyes dulling and a strange, green froth started flowing out of its mouth. Jeremy shuddered, then turned around and started following Zeke again, hoping he wouldn’t run into another Yolax for the rest of his life.
***
A few hours later, Jeremy and Zeke reached the next safe spot.

“Here we go, time to grab some food and get some sleep, eh, Jeremy?” said Zeke.

“Yeah! I’m starved!” exclaimed Jeremy as Zeke wriggled down the hole. Jeremy wriggled down after Zeke, to find Zeke stopped halfway down the hole.

“Hey, Zeke, what’s the hold up?” asked Jeremy.

“The hole has caved in, I can’t go any further in,” said Zeke. Jeremy started sweating, and started feeling claustrophobic.

“But Zeke, my feet are still out of the hole!” shouted Jeremy

“Oh god! Jeremy, I’m going to need room to do this, can you back up a bit?” shouted Zeke. Jeremy started shuffling out of the hole to give Zeke room, and when Jeremy got out of the hole, Zeke let out a shout, and then dirt started flying out of the hole.

“Zeke! What’s going on?” Jeremy shouted down the hole.

“Jeremy, you can come down now, I got rid of the dirt,” replied Zeke. Jeremy quickly started wriggling down the hole, and popped out to find Zeke panting in a corner. Before Jeremy could say a word, Zeke said;

“Look, Jeremy, don’t ask me about it, let’s just grab a bite to eat, and then go to sleep, ok?”

“Ok, sure,” replied Jeremy, with a hint of confusion in his voice.

“Good, now let’s get some food into our stomachs!” said Zeke

When Jeremy found out what happened, he never trusted Zeke again…
Wow, Zeke seems like quite a capable guy xD But then again, it does make him kinda suspicious..I wonder what Jeremy found out..

Once again, another well-written chapter! The creatures in this region are really intriguing, made more so by your descriptions ^^
the thing is, Jeremy hasn't found it out yet, that'll be in later chapters.

and with the monsters, i get a basic idea, and then turn it into something either ugly, dangerous, or both!
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